I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
