Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
