You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
