You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
