I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
