His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
