i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
