38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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