yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
