Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
