Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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