So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
