I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
