Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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