if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
