I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
