dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
