Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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