I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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