I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
