I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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