im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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