five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
