I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
