Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Randomize
