it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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