lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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