dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
