Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
