The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
