Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
