I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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