I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
