I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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