dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
