just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
