I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
