batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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