so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
