So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
ugly people sure do ruin things
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
