I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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