I didn't shave. On purpose
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
