As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
