my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
