is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
