You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Found the puke drawer
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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