Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
tell me about the eggs
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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