I only kidnapped one of them. chill
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
