Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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