Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
