Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
