he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
